What 25 means to me

Funny story. This is my 2nd attempt to write an entry on this topic. I had an entire post all typed up and ready to go but as I read through it one last time, I realized how much I hated it. It just wasn't honest enough.

So here we go. Round 2. What does turning 25 mean to me?

With every year comes new challenges and more surprises. I think back to my 18th birthday when my troubles were so simple and all I had to worry about was dealing with being homesick and getting through my first year of college. 21 meant that I was finally legal and all I had to worry about was graduating college and balancing all my extracirricular activities. When I turned 23 I had a  wedding to plan. 24 meant 2 more months til baby. So what about 25?

I already did college. I already did the wedding and the baby. What now? What does 25 hold for me? What adventures will my 26 year old self be reflecting on next year?

It makes me a little sad because it seems like every year I had something to look forward to. If I know one thing about myself, it is that I don't like NOT having a plan. Since I was in my early teens I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to get it. I knew what school I was going to go to. I knew I wanted to have a family by 26. I knew what my wedding colors would be. I kind of feel like 25  threw a wrench in my gears because for the first time, I really don't know what to expect.

Anthony and I on the night of my birthday

I want to buy a house. I want to be debt free. I want to advance in my career. I want my family to grow. These are all things that I want for myself but I don't know when or really how I will accomplish them. The only thing I do know is that I now have a daughter to raise and a family to think about. As I type this entry, I'm coming realize that my life really isn't about me anymore. It's no longer a straight line that is predictable. Turning 25 means to me that I've had to grow up a lot quicker than I expected, and honestly..I'm okay with that.

The things I worry about are a lot more serious now. My priorities require a lot more maturity out of me. But I guess that's what growing up really means. I made the decision to invest a big part of myself into this family, and as with any other investment in this world, you can only get as much as you are willing to put in.

With my sacrifices have come great rewards. I spent the last 25 years investing in my myself and my relationships. I now have the confidence and the strength to be a mom and pass on the valuable things I've learned to my daughter. I have spent enough time learning about my friends and sharing myself with them that I am content with the people that are in my life, and I know that I have a handful of lifelong friendships to cherish. I probably couldn't have said that a couple birthdays ago.

I am not trying to say that I am done investing in these other things, but really, that the time has come to focus my attention elsewhere. It is now my job as a mother, no matter what age I am, to step up to the plate and give this family all I've got. I've spent 25 years preparing myself for this life and now that I have it, I will do what I can to ensure that I don't fall short. It's like I've been gathering up my my life savings to finally spend it all on the greatest investment yet. There are always risks, but in the end, the rewards are priceless. I'm nervous and excited for what's to come, and I kind of like that I don't know what to expect. I've never really been into surprises, but I'm sure there will be some great ones to come.

So bring it on, 25! I'm ready for you.