Who is this man that I married?

Our 4 year wedding anniversary is in a few days. And you know what I've realized in this past year? I married a complete stranger.

As naïve, young adults, we like to think that we are marrying a person that we know inside and out; that we know everything there is to know about each other - and that makes us a perfect fit. But over the past years I've come to learn that this notion is completely false. Although we take the time to date, to get to know each other's personalities, to remember every blemish and beauty mark on each other's faces, you still end up marrying a complete stranger.

Marriage isn't easy. Over the past year, we've had our ups and downs and have been challenged from all different directions. Having a second baby, we struggled to find a routine and adjust our lives accordingly. We find it difficult sometimes to have some quiet moments together, because plopping down on the couch to finally get a chance to go through our social media newsfeeds at the end of the day really isn't considered "quality time". But some days - that's really all the energy we have left to do.

We've also had to make a lot of really tough decisions lately and find ourselves arguing our points to each other so intensely that it turns into a giant meltdown. Some days, we rely on each other too little or too much and it makes it difficult to keep ourselves sane. We've been through so much and there is so much still ahead of us that it's gonna take a lot of faith and compromise to get through it.

.....Like I said. Marriage isn't easy.

So what did I mean when I said I married a complete stranger? Well. I've learned that yes, I married a man that I was completely in love with when I was 23 years old. But marriage changes you. Kids change you. Jobs change you. Trials and tribulations change you. Aging changes you. You come to discover that getting to know the depths of someone's heart takes years. But that's the nature of marriage - it's a relationship so intimate and challenging that it really takes true, unconditional love to make that journey together.

There's a quote by a man named Stanley Hauerwas defining a successful marriage as "learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married." What does he mean? Simply put, I think it's important to understand that  marriage is not the finish line to where we instantly know and fully understand our spouse. It's a commitment to a lifetime of growing and changing across the years together. Everything that Anthony and I have been going through is shaping and defining our relationship - every good moment, every bad moment, and every decision that we've made. But through it all, our love for each other remains unscathed.

Not every year will I say that the year was perfect and I love him more than ever. But like I've always said - I'm all about being real when it comes to my posts. But one thing is for sure - I wouldn't have made it in this journey with anyone else. Through it all, I've come to realize that Anthony is my soul mate. He balances me out when I'm feeling a little crazy, and he reels me back in when I feel like pulling away. He always recognizes his faults and his commitment to me and his children is unwavering. And because of that, I know that he is forever mine and I am forever his.

Marriage is not a finished statue. It is merely a block of marble from which your perfect spouse will emerge. So if you commit to loving one another and helping each other grow while keeping God in the center of your relationship, in the end, you'll find a masterpiece.

So to my darling husband -

Happy 4 year Anniversary, my love. There's nobody in the world that I'd rather quarrel with, make up with, and grow old with than you. xoxo

2 Years Married

Today is our 2 year anniversary. (Applause) Can't really say that it's much of a feat because honestly, it's been easy. It's easy loving this man and spending my life with him. What can I say that I haven't said already? There are so many ways to tell you how amazing he is. So I'll just take this time to tell you how this past year has changed me.

What I've learned:
1) Stay Hungry.
Sometimes you are so happy with your life that you become content. And in some ways contentment can lead to boredom. And boredom, well, can lead to a lot of other things. I've learned that it's important to always keep strategizing your future together. Right now, we are in this happy little routine where we know exactly who does what and what goes where, etc.  Rosalie is 16 months old now and as fun as ever. We are very much enjoying our time with her and our time together. We could easily say we are happy with where we are but where does that lead us?
When we were dating, Anthony always told me that relationships are like rollercoasters. They go up and down and in order to keep the ride interesting, you HAD to throw an uphill in there. Some kind of struggle or accomplishment that you'd go through and strive to overcome together.  Whenever we hit a downhill, he always did his best to keep things interesting. And for that, I love him. First we bought a dog, then we got engaged, then we had a baby..well you get the point. It keeps our relationship interesting and our eyes focused on the prize. At the end of the rollercoaster, you want your hair to be messed up and your underarms sweaty so you can look back and say "WHOA. Best ride ever!"

2) A good relationship involves two really great forgivers.
Couples fight. Fights are an essential part of your relationship. When you're married, a whole new genre of fighting comes into your lives. What do I mean by that? Well, when we were in college, jealousy plagued our relationship. But now, most of our jealousy issues have completely gone away. No longer do the days exist when we fight about "the girl in the picture who's arm is wrapped around you a little too tightly".
NOW we fight about things that actually make sense and that have meaning in our lives. Is this a good thing? No. We don't fight often, but when we do, it's actually a lot more painful and more aggressive because fighting only take place when deep rooted issues come out to bite us in the ass. Now, our fights involve arguments that are a matter of our well being, such as finance and decisions about the future of our family.
When you're married, your tolerance and forgiving nature must increase ten fold. Not only do you have to learn to forgive whatever that other person says in the heat of an argument, but you must be patient enough to not throw the word "divorce" out there whenever you hit a block in the road (something I've had to learn that hard way). Obviously, you will make mistakes and so will your partner, but it's really about learning to move past things quickly and not holding grudges because the last thing you want in your relationship is something holding you back from true happiness. You did promise to be with them forever.

3) Keep finding things in common.
Just because you're married, doesn't mean that you're not always changing. I find myself always looking for new hobbies and suddenly disliking things that I once adored. I used to be a huge fan of reality television, and now I'm so sick of it that I could slap Kim Kardashian's pretty little face. People are always growing and changing, which is why you always have to find a way to keep each other entertained. You must learn to humor the other person. He doesn't like every show that I do, but he's learned to love all the housewives on Wisteria lane just because that's what I do every Sunday night. I'm not particulary a big fan of the Miami Heat, but sure, I'll root for them too because it makes him happy whenever they win. Give and take. It's the only way you'll keep enjoying spending time together.

4) Keep looking at the big picture.
From the moment you say "I do", you'll have to sacrifice a lot to make it work. Sometimes the sacrifices are small and other times, they're really really big. I've never been asked to leave my comfort zone so many times except since we've been married. We've both had to suffer a little bit to get us to where we want to be. It's easy to forget sometimes what you're doing it for, which is why you have to remember to look at the bigger picture. So whether it's living at one of your parents' house for a little bit to save for a house, or working a little more hours so your spouse can find a new job, be supportive. There will always be huge decisions to make. Choose the one where it benefits your entire family, even if it means being "uncomfortable" for the time being. Take it all in stride. Give 100% of yourself if you know that it is what's best for everyone in the end.

Well, what can I say? It's been a progressive, exciting, and amazing year and I'm learning more and more as we go. Being married isn't all rainbows and butterflies. It really is hard work. But trust me, when you find the person that's worth doing it for, all of it just becomes a lesson in the road of life. You always need the bad times to appreciate the good.

I am forever grateful for the blessing in my life that is my husband. Two years into it and I've learned more about myself than I ever did in my whole adolescent life. Today isn't an anniversary. It's a freakin' celebration! So happy anniversary babe, I love you with all my heart and soul. May God continue to bless us with health, happiness, and beautiful children who carry the attributes of their amazing father.

Us. <3

Happily Ever After..One Year Later

It seems like only yesterday I was standing at the end of the aisle, staring at the man I was about to commit my whole life to. And now, here we are one year later, with a new baby, a change of plans, and high hopes for the future.

I hate to admit it, but our darling daughter was NOT planned, nor did we expect to be hit with such life changing news so early in our marriage. Looking back, it almost feels as if our relationship took a backseat to to the pregnancy because we were so busy preparing for the baby and being cautious of what we could and could not do with me being pregnant for the majority of the year.

It was kind of a bummer having to decline party invitations and seeing pictures of our closest friends enjoying themselves in places like Las Vegas and Cancun...places we probably would've been at had it not been for our early surprise. I'd be lying if I said that all of these sacrifices we were making didn't test our loyalty to one other. We had to think like parents now, and not like newlyweds who had the money and the freedom to enjoy their young years together as a couple.

I could sit here thinking about the things we didn't get to do in our first year of marriage and what we missed out on, but that's not what I remember most about the year. What I remember most was Anthony running to Albertsons in the middle of the night getting Pillsbury cinnamon rolls because he heard me say I was craving Cinnabon but the mall was already closed. What I remember most was Anthony calling me several times a day at work to always make sure I was okay. What I remember the most is how much we laughed and I cried at all the romantic comedies I forced him to watch. What I remember the most is all the long hours he worked so we could put away enough money for the baby. What I remember the most is how every time we fought, I'd catch him watching our wedding video because it made him feel better. What I remember the most is how wonderful it was to watch him grow as a husband...and the most amazing father.

A year ago today...MY life ended.

And OURS began.

I love you, babe.

Wedding, anyone?

If the throngs of crazed customers clutching registry printouts at the Crate and Barrel are any indication, wedding season is once again upon us.

I'm beyond excited for the handful of women out there finally finding Mr. Right and reaching the pinnacle of their lives where they finally get to live out their childhood dream - an elaborate white wedding with roses galore and champagne toasts for the happy couple. I must admit, I'm a sucker for weddings and all the emotions that come with it too!

Having gone through the joy of wedding planning (and panic) myself, I thought I'd share with you some honest tips that anyone, married or not, can read and laugh at or cry about...either way..Enjoy!

1) If you think you're wedding is going to go perfect - It's not! Not to cause any panic, but I don't think there's any wedding in the world that has gone perfectly as planned, and if you claim that yours did, please come forward so I can slap a "DENIAL" sticker on your forehead!
Ok, look at this way. A wedding is a BIG event that requires the cooperation and coordination of many people. One of these people is bound to screw up. I started planning my wedding 14 months before showtime, and STILL there were hiccups. Just to name a few: a) My limo driver showed up 30 minutes late. b) An event was booked right before our wedding so we only had 2 hours to set up instead of the whole day. c) My veil almost blew off during our ceremony because the wind was so strong that day.
Yet, in the end, we got married and there were no cops/ambulances called. That's the important thing right?
Heck, you'll be so nervous, you won't have the energy to deal with all that stuff anyway.

2) Don't feel bad about cutting down your guest list. Looking back at the people that were at our wedding, I can name a few "well, that was a waste" invitations. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm just being very frank about the fact that you should never feel bad for a person that's sad about not being invited!
Remember, it's your wedding and the only people that deserve to be there are the people that genuinely want to see you married and happy. You will KNOW if someone just wants to be there to enjoy the free food and drinks...because honestly, anyone who thinks that they deserve to be at your wedding probably doesn't. So when you're making your list and checking it twice, ask yourself, "Do I want to pay $100 for them to be there?" Because that's an average of what it costs to invite that one person. Same rule applies for someone who asks to bring a guest. If they can't stomach the idea of coming to your wedding alone then perhaps they shouldn't be invited either.

3) Find the motivation to get in shape. This little piece of advice might be too direct, but it's honest-to-goodness one of the simplest things you can do to make your special day that much more special. If you're feeling lazy, find the motivation to just get up and do it. There are going to be cameras coming at you from thousands of different angles, and trust me, you don't want to look back at your wedding photos that people tag you in and say "Oh gosh, look at my double chin in that picture!" You want to look and feel beautiful because 30 years from now, you want your grandchildren to revel in how perfect their grandmother looked on her wedding day so they can argue about who gets to wear your dress and not who wants to cut it up and use it as a parachute.

4) Be cautious about your vendors. Read reviews. Get testimonials. Don't hire someone blindly! Vendors are the people that will make your wedding magic and you don't want to be trusting someone with your money and and an essential piece of your wedding without being 100% sure that they're going to do an excellent job. I was a fiend for weddingwire.com and still, I was dissappointed with some of their performances. In most cases, you get what you pay for..So if there's ever a question about going with the cheaper person who is not well known vs. a pricier person with excellent reviews, well, you should go with the latter to say the least.

5) You can't put a price on love!  If at one month before your wedding you find yourself throwing the budget out the window, don't beat yourself up. There comes a breaking point in every bride's life where they say "EFF IT" and impulsively buy that cupid ice sculpture that they've been so hesitant to buy for so long. And you know what, that's A-OK! At the end of my wedding planning, I must've given into at least 5 things that I didn't "have the money for". And you know what, I don't regret those little extras one bit. You only get married once, and just as long as you don't go wildly off of your budget, then yes, get those chivari chairs you've been longing for! You'll be glad you did.

6) If you're not going on a honeymoon, find some time to get away after the wedding, just the two of you. After the big day is over and done with, you don't want to come home to a house full of unwrapped wedding gifts and skip the days of bliss that follow. Try your hardest to take some time away together, even just for a weekend, so you can process what you just did and forget about all the financials just for those few days. The last thing anyone wants to do is fight about how you're going to pay for this and that and discuss what lies ahead. If you can, sip on some cocktails poolside and enjoy some peace and quiet. Trust me, you'll need it before dealing with all the details that come after the wedding is over!

There's much more that can be said about this subject, but I don't want to blow the lid off of the "mystery of wedding planning". So boys and girls, if theres anything you took away from this little lesson of mine, it's to be merry and wed. Everything else, well, just kind of happens the way it's supposed to.

Happy planning!

What's love got to do with it?

Having a baby can really test your commitment to your significant other. Believe me when I say that it's not always easy keeping the romance alive when a crying baby is causing tension. In the spirit of February and the holiday all about love, I'd like to post about marriage.


Yes, I am young and I am married and I am a mother. This path that I have chosen in life has forced me to make several sacrifices. No more partying or late nights, no spontaneous travels around the world, and no more first dates. But through the years of knowing my husband, I've come to learn that the things I have gained in my experiences and choices have far outweighed what I had to sacrifice.

College life proved to be quite a challenge for our relationship, but through the hardships and the tears, our love endured. Who I am, my outlook on life, and my choices have evolved many times through the years and so has his. I can look back to who he was 6 years ago and tell you how different of a person he has become. I could go on and on about how hard it is to be a mother and wife in this blog, but sometimes to make my relationship work and keep my love for him strong, I have to sit and think about how hard it is to be a father and a husband for someone as young and as wishful as me.

2005 - When we were still kids

He works to pay the bills. He sacrifices time with his family so that we have a place to live and food to eat. He has given up partying with the boys so that he can stay home and console our crying daughter on nights that she doesn't want to sleep. He can't make extravagant purchases or spoil himself with goodies because his hard earned money goes to diapers and toys. For all of this, I see him. I see him for who he really is and I am grateful. My heart is filled with a love and gratitude so deep that no words can explain it. 

A lot of people our age now are contemplating marriage and a family and whether or not they are ready for such a big step. From my point of view, making a decision this early in life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Was I ready to give up my single life? Was I ready to make such a serious commitment? Could I do forever?
Honestly, I wasn't 100% positive of how I felt, and I'm sure he wasn't either. But something inside told me that the only thing I had left to lose was him and I wasn't ready to do that. In fact, I knew I'd never be. Sure there are financial obstacles in front of every path down to the road to marriage, but the question was, would we be willing to trek down that road together? Could we change our ways of life to be together? If that meant that he and I would never have to part ways, then yes. I feel like God has chosen us to be parents at this exact moment in time for a reason and for that, all of the sacrifices we are making are nothing short of a blessing.

Don't get me wrong, marriage is no walk in the park. We fight like any other couple and we need our breaks from home here and there, but I've never ever regretted taking that walk down the aisle. This isn't my sermon on why I think marriage is great, nor is it a way to brag about how wonderful my life is, but it is my way of reminding myself and others how powerful love is because I admit, sometimes I REALLY  need reminding. 50% of marriages end in divorce these days, and in some cases, I wouldn't blame them. But we have to remember how far a little bit of unselfish thinking and praise towards your significant other can really go.

So if you're ever at a crossroads in life, whether it be the question of to marry or not to marry, to go on that second date or not, or to say sorry or not say sorry..swallow your fears and take a chance. You never know where a little love can take you.