So glad we made it...Look how far we've come, my baby

Together, we made it. The 3 of us have made it to month 4 of Rosalie's life, and like her, I am reaching my own  developmental milestones.

I've been singing a whole new tune these past few days, and believe me, it's a happier one. Every time I've read over that last post about being "real", I've realized how solemn I've been and how my emotional struggle of being a new mom has managed to ease itself comfortably between the lines of my entries. While I've had my fair share of baby blues, it feels so good to finally get something right and to start feel a little normal again.

The little lady

I was feeling emotionally conflicted because I wanted to be honest with myself and admit that being a parent was downright hard, but at the same time, I felt like the luckiest person in the world for being blessed with a healthy and beautiful baby girl. I struggled to accept all the changes that were happening in my life, along with all the new responsibilities of being a parent. My constant worrying and fear of change was causing me anxiety, and it showed.

But something happened. Like a slap in the face, we had a scare of an accident the day before we left for Miami. Rosalie was in the car with us, and when our car collided with the other one, every hair on my body stood up and my only thought was to throw myself onto her carseat to make sure that she was safe. No need to worry, the accident wasn't a bad one..but just enough to scare the begeezus out of me.

As we waited on the side of the road for help to come, I held Rosalie on my lap as she happily outlined the Mickey Mouse on my shirt with her little finger. I remember looking at her and being so relieved that she was safe, and even though she wasn't hurt and will probably never remember it, I wish she hadn't been in the car with us that day to experience that. Had something happened to her, I would've traded every sleepless night and sore muscle I've ever had just to rewind time. The thought of it alone makes me sick to my stomach.

This past month, I've come to realize that the problem wasn't that I was losing my sleep and sanity, the problem was that I struggled with being a perfect mom...and condering the fact that this is my first baby, I had no clue what I was doing. I resorted to books and websites...anything I could find that would tell me what was supposed to be happening and how my baby should be acting at this age and that. I had expectations...and when those expectations weren't fulfilled, I'd think to myself "What am I doing wrong" "Why isn't she sleeping through the night yet?" "Why is she so small?" I was trying to raise her "by the book" and obviously, that wasn't working. I was my biggest critic, and the pressure that I was putting on myself to be a good mom, to lose weight, be a good wife, and to never ask for help was really weighing down on me and affecting how I viewed myself as a mother...as a person.

Me and my chubby little princess

Since then, I've learned to just relax and follow my own cues and not some expert who is a complete stranger to me and family. I've been so much happier with myself as a parent because I've learned to let go of my expectations and just enjoy her and all the little things that make our time together so special. She's developing so quickly and learning new things everyday at such a fast rate that I want to slap myself for ever wanting to fast forward time. She laughs and coos, smiles and screams, and even reaches for things and plays with her own reflection. Before I know it, she'll be going to school and facing the world on her own, and as much as I want to keep her safe from pain and danger, I know I can't bubble wrap her and keep her at home forever.

Right now, I couldn't be any happier with where I'm at. I feel much more comfortable and confident as a mom...I'm learning to trust myself and my instincts. Her personality is really starting to shine and being with her is such a joy. Anthony and I are enjoying taking her out and letting her explore all her new surroundings, and so is she! Now that I'm back to work, every minute with her counts...So when she wakes up hungry at 3 a.m., or simply just wanting to be held, that's more than okay...because most of the time, I want to hold her too.

Something I never knew...But had to share!

Did you know that the maximum daily recommended sodium intake is 2,400 grams? You probably don't realize it, but just one sitting at a restaurant can push your sodium to the limit. Since I've been trying to lose weight again and start living a healthier style, I've subscribed to all these health newsletters that deliver me interesting tidbits of information on food and exercise, etc etc. Well, this article in particular caught my eye because if you're like me, you really only look at the calorie and fat columns on the nutritional menu. Titled "30 Saltiest Foods in America" by Men's Health Magazine, this article has opened my eyes to the damage that sodium can really do to your body: high blood pressure, stroke, osteoporosis, and exercise-induced asthma. Experts say that it's even ADDICTIVE and that you can overeat yourself into obesity because of your cravings for salt. Crazy, right? So, because I care, read this list and avoid these foods and foods similar to them.

30) Burger King Cheeseburger with French Fries (small)

1,360 milligrams sodium
680 calories
33 g fat (10.5 g saturated, 0.5 g trans)

29) Auntie Anne’s Sesame Pretzel with Hot Salsa Cheese <---Damn that was a good one.

1,440 milligrams sodium
510 calories
18 g fat (7 g saturated)

28) Pizza Hut Supreme Pan Pizza (2 slices)

1,780 milligrams sodium
800 calories
40 g fat (16 g saturated)

27) Panera Bread Half Sierra Turkey with Half Greek Salad You Pick Two Combo

1,870 milligrams sodium
810 calories
59 g fat (12 g saturated)

26) Boston Market Classic Chicken Salad Sandwich

1,900 milligrams sodium
800 calories
41 g fat (7 g saturated, 5 g trans)

25) Arby’s Large Mozzarella Sticks

2,047 milligrams sodium
637 calories
42 g fat (19 g saturated)

24) Quizno’s Large Tuna Melt

2,120 milligrams sodium
1,760 calories
133 g fat (25 g saturated, 1.5 g trans)

23) Taco Bell Grilled Stuft Beef Burrito <---But oh-so-delicious

2,120 milligrams sodium
680 calories
30 g fat (10 g saturated)

22) Bob Evans Stacks & Stuffed Caramel Banana Pecan Hotcakes

2,259 milligrams sodium
1,543 calories
77 g fat (26 g saturated, 9 g trans)
109 g sugars

21) Subway Footlong Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki

2,290 milligrams sodium
770 calories
9 g fat (2.5 g saturated)
34 g sugars

20) McDonald’s Deluxe Breakfast with Margarine and Syrup

2,335 milligrams sodium
1,370 calories
64.5 g fat (21.5 g saturated)
161 g carbohydrates

19)  Uno Chicago Grill Classic Deep Dish Individual Pizza (1/2 pie)

2,460 mg sodium
1,155 calories
82 g fat (27 g saturated)

18) Dairy Queen Chili Cheese Fries

2,550 milligrams sodium
1,240 calories
71 g fat (28 g saturated, 0.5 g trans)

17)  Panera Bread Full Chipotle Chicken on Artisan French

2,570 mg sodium
1,070 calories
55 g fat (15 g saturated, 1 g trans)

16) On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef and Chipotle Honey Mustard

2,620 milligrams sodium
1,700 calories
124 g fat (37.5 g saturated)

15) Uno Chicago Grill Kid’s Kombo with French Fries

2,850 milligrams sodium
1,250 calories
79 g fat (11.5 g saturated)

14) Denny’s Buffalo Chicken Strips

2,940 milligrams sodium
730 calories
32 g fat (0 g saturated)

13) Dunkin Donuts Salt Bagel <--- Ew Really?

3,420 mg sodium
320 calories
2.5 g fat (.5 g saturated fat)

12) Olive Garden Grilled Shrimp Caprese

3,490 milligrams sodium
900 calories
41 g fat (17 g saturated)

11)  Blimpie Special Vegetarian Sub (12”)

3,532 milligrams sodium
1,186 calories
60 g fat (19 g saturated)
131 g carbohydrates

10) Ruby Tuesday Mediterranean Shrimp Pasta

3,933 mg sodium
1,086 calories
63 g fat

9) On the Border Dos XX Fish Tacos

4,060 milligrams sodium
2,350 calories
152 g fat (31 g saturated)

8) Chili’s Smokehouse Bacon Triple Cheese Big Mouth Burger with Jalapeno Ranch Dressing

4,201 milligrams sodium
1,901 calories
138 g fat (47 g saturated)

7) IHOP Thick-Cut Bone-In Ham & Eggs

4,310 mg sodium
1,170 calories
61 g fat (19 g saturated)

6) Arby’s Sausage Gravy Biscuit

4,699 mg sodium
1,040 calories
60 g fat (22 g saturated, 2 g trans)

5) Applebee's Weight Watchers Chipotle Lime Chicken <---Even Weight Watchers will let you down!

4,990 mg sodium
490 calories
12 g fat (2 g saturated)

4) P.F. Chang’s Hot and Sour Soup Bowl <---Nooo! This can't be so. One of my favorite soups..

5,000 milligrams sodium
400 calories
15 g fat (5 g saturated)

3) Chili’s Fajita Quesadillas Beef With Rice and Beans, 4 flour tortillas, and condiments <---Have ordered this several times.

6,390 milligrams sodium
2,240 calories
92 g fat (43.5 g saturated)
253 g carbohydrates

2) Applebee's Appetizer Sampler <---The article says any app sampler is usually bad.

6,830 mg sodium
2,590 calories
173 g fat (54 g saturated)

1)   P.F. Chang’s Double Pan-Fried Noodles with Pork

2)   7,900 milligrams sodium
1,652 calories
84 g fat (12 g saturated)

Sad to say, but I have been a victim of many of the foods on this list. They actually got this information from the "Eat this, Not That!" book. I think I'll go buy one today.

Read the full article here.

Wedding, anyone?

If the throngs of crazed customers clutching registry printouts at the Crate and Barrel are any indication, wedding season is once again upon us.

I'm beyond excited for the handful of women out there finally finding Mr. Right and reaching the pinnacle of their lives where they finally get to live out their childhood dream - an elaborate white wedding with roses galore and champagne toasts for the happy couple. I must admit, I'm a sucker for weddings and all the emotions that come with it too!

Having gone through the joy of wedding planning (and panic) myself, I thought I'd share with you some honest tips that anyone, married or not, can read and laugh at or cry about...either way..Enjoy!

1) If you think you're wedding is going to go perfect - It's not! Not to cause any panic, but I don't think there's any wedding in the world that has gone perfectly as planned, and if you claim that yours did, please come forward so I can slap a "DENIAL" sticker on your forehead!
Ok, look at this way. A wedding is a BIG event that requires the cooperation and coordination of many people. One of these people is bound to screw up. I started planning my wedding 14 months before showtime, and STILL there were hiccups. Just to name a few: a) My limo driver showed up 30 minutes late. b) An event was booked right before our wedding so we only had 2 hours to set up instead of the whole day. c) My veil almost blew off during our ceremony because the wind was so strong that day.
Yet, in the end, we got married and there were no cops/ambulances called. That's the important thing right?
Heck, you'll be so nervous, you won't have the energy to deal with all that stuff anyway.

2) Don't feel bad about cutting down your guest list. Looking back at the people that were at our wedding, I can name a few "well, that was a waste" invitations. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm just being very frank about the fact that you should never feel bad for a person that's sad about not being invited!
Remember, it's your wedding and the only people that deserve to be there are the people that genuinely want to see you married and happy. You will KNOW if someone just wants to be there to enjoy the free food and drinks...because honestly, anyone who thinks that they deserve to be at your wedding probably doesn't. So when you're making your list and checking it twice, ask yourself, "Do I want to pay $100 for them to be there?" Because that's an average of what it costs to invite that one person. Same rule applies for someone who asks to bring a guest. If they can't stomach the idea of coming to your wedding alone then perhaps they shouldn't be invited either.

3) Find the motivation to get in shape. This little piece of advice might be too direct, but it's honest-to-goodness one of the simplest things you can do to make your special day that much more special. If you're feeling lazy, find the motivation to just get up and do it. There are going to be cameras coming at you from thousands of different angles, and trust me, you don't want to look back at your wedding photos that people tag you in and say "Oh gosh, look at my double chin in that picture!" You want to look and feel beautiful because 30 years from now, you want your grandchildren to revel in how perfect their grandmother looked on her wedding day so they can argue about who gets to wear your dress and not who wants to cut it up and use it as a parachute.

4) Be cautious about your vendors. Read reviews. Get testimonials. Don't hire someone blindly! Vendors are the people that will make your wedding magic and you don't want to be trusting someone with your money and and an essential piece of your wedding without being 100% sure that they're going to do an excellent job. I was a fiend for weddingwire.com and still, I was dissappointed with some of their performances. In most cases, you get what you pay for..So if there's ever a question about going with the cheaper person who is not well known vs. a pricier person with excellent reviews, well, you should go with the latter to say the least.

5) You can't put a price on love!  If at one month before your wedding you find yourself throwing the budget out the window, don't beat yourself up. There comes a breaking point in every bride's life where they say "EFF IT" and impulsively buy that cupid ice sculpture that they've been so hesitant to buy for so long. And you know what, that's A-OK! At the end of my wedding planning, I must've given into at least 5 things that I didn't "have the money for". And you know what, I don't regret those little extras one bit. You only get married once, and just as long as you don't go wildly off of your budget, then yes, get those chivari chairs you've been longing for! You'll be glad you did.

6) If you're not going on a honeymoon, find some time to get away after the wedding, just the two of you. After the big day is over and done with, you don't want to come home to a house full of unwrapped wedding gifts and skip the days of bliss that follow. Try your hardest to take some time away together, even just for a weekend, so you can process what you just did and forget about all the financials just for those few days. The last thing anyone wants to do is fight about how you're going to pay for this and that and discuss what lies ahead. If you can, sip on some cocktails poolside and enjoy some peace and quiet. Trust me, you'll need it before dealing with all the details that come after the wedding is over!

There's much more that can be said about this subject, but I don't want to blow the lid off of the "mystery of wedding planning". So boys and girls, if theres anything you took away from this little lesson of mine, it's to be merry and wed. Everything else, well, just kind of happens the way it's supposed to.

Happy planning!

A "Real" Post

I came across this post and it has truly inspired me. It's titled The Disease called Perfection. It's a long entry so in case you don't feel like reading it, the writer basically discusses real life situations where people put up a front to seem "perfect", regardless of the fact that they have troubling secrets. If you do have time though, I suggest you go through and read it. I think some of you will find it very easy to relate.


Here is an excerpt from the closing statement of his entry:
Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you. Once you cure yourself of the disease, others will come to you, asking if they can just "talk". People are desperate to talk. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will tell you of some of the greatest struggles going on. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will break down in tears as they tell you how difficult life is for them. Turns out some of the most "perfect" people around us are human beings after all, and are dying to talk to another human being about it.
 
Will you help me spread "Real"? Tell us below just how perfect you aren't. You never know who might be alive tomorrow because you were real today. You never know who needs to feel like they aren't alone in their inability to be perfect. Tell us what you struggle with. Tell a sad or dark secret. Get vulnerable. Get real. Let's see if we can get 1,000 people showing the world that we're not defined by perfection. - Dan Pearce

I've had writer's block for a while and reading this has encouraged me to "get real". I wouldn't go as far as saying that people walk around being "fake" but nobody ever openly embraces their weaknesses, do they? And the most compelling stories are ones where people do. I stayed up last night reading the responses and felt that I just had to share my own experiences in hopes that at least one person feels touched and can relate to what I am going through. I am not perfect. Here is my dose of reality:

For the past 2 months I haven't gotten more than 4 hour blocks of sleep and it's driving me crazy. Sometimes I am so tired and my muscles feel so weak that I just sit on my recliner with Rosalie and cry.

I regret the academic decisions I made in college. I really wish that I made more sound choices about my school work and took college more seriously. I feel like I chose the wrong path and am paying for it now by not having a major that pays the big bucks.

I HATE my body. Nothing in my closet fits anymore. Everything I've bought since I gave birth is 2 sizes up from what I used to be but I don't want to exercise or diet. I am too sleep deprived and unmotivated to lose weight right now. I can't look in the mirror and be happy.

I'm afraid of living a financially mediocre life forever. Will we ever be "well off"? I don't know. I really don't know how people have thousands of dollars in surplus to buy nice things for themselves ON TOP of having a house, children, and a savings account for all their colleges. How do they not live paycheck to paycheck? I constantly worry about our financial future.

I sometimes look at the pictures of my beautiful and fashionable friends on Facebook and get super jealous. Like, "It's not fair how good you look" jealous. It makes me not want to leave the house.

I am not a cook. Really, I suck. I can make things that are easy and things that are fast but otherwise, I'm clueless. We eat out 75% of the time and I feel like a bad wife because of it.

I make dates with my friends because sometimes, I feel like they'll forget about me. I am so much more "grown up" then a lot of my friends now that I'm married and I have a kid and I feel like nobody wants to hang out with me as much.

I'm afraid that Anthony will leave me one day because he'll wake up and not like what he sees.

Being a mom is so hard that sometimes I wonder if it ever gets easier, and if so, can I fast forward to that time? I am terrified of getting pregnant again but I don't want Rosalie to be alone.

The list goes on. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am sad. I cry just because and sometimes I just want to get away. My life isn't perfect, but it is what it is. Would there be happiness in the world if no one experienced sadness? Would winning mean so much if nobody knew what it felt like to lose? Would we hold our loved ones so tight if we knew they were always going to be there? Would anyone be unique if we all looked the same?
With good comes evil. Your trash might be somebody's treasure. So spread the "real" and get in touch with the parts of yourself that you're afraid to face. I hope that after reading this you don't judge me too harshly, but find yourselves loving who you are...who WE are because of it.

What's love got to do with it?

Having a baby can really test your commitment to your significant other. Believe me when I say that it's not always easy keeping the romance alive when a crying baby is causing tension. In the spirit of February and the holiday all about love, I'd like to post about marriage.


Yes, I am young and I am married and I am a mother. This path that I have chosen in life has forced me to make several sacrifices. No more partying or late nights, no spontaneous travels around the world, and no more first dates. But through the years of knowing my husband, I've come to learn that the things I have gained in my experiences and choices have far outweighed what I had to sacrifice.

College life proved to be quite a challenge for our relationship, but through the hardships and the tears, our love endured. Who I am, my outlook on life, and my choices have evolved many times through the years and so has his. I can look back to who he was 6 years ago and tell you how different of a person he has become. I could go on and on about how hard it is to be a mother and wife in this blog, but sometimes to make my relationship work and keep my love for him strong, I have to sit and think about how hard it is to be a father and a husband for someone as young and as wishful as me.

2005 - When we were still kids

He works to pay the bills. He sacrifices time with his family so that we have a place to live and food to eat. He has given up partying with the boys so that he can stay home and console our crying daughter on nights that she doesn't want to sleep. He can't make extravagant purchases or spoil himself with goodies because his hard earned money goes to diapers and toys. For all of this, I see him. I see him for who he really is and I am grateful. My heart is filled with a love and gratitude so deep that no words can explain it. 

A lot of people our age now are contemplating marriage and a family and whether or not they are ready for such a big step. From my point of view, making a decision this early in life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Was I ready to give up my single life? Was I ready to make such a serious commitment? Could I do forever?
Honestly, I wasn't 100% positive of how I felt, and I'm sure he wasn't either. But something inside told me that the only thing I had left to lose was him and I wasn't ready to do that. In fact, I knew I'd never be. Sure there are financial obstacles in front of every path down to the road to marriage, but the question was, would we be willing to trek down that road together? Could we change our ways of life to be together? If that meant that he and I would never have to part ways, then yes. I feel like God has chosen us to be parents at this exact moment in time for a reason and for that, all of the sacrifices we are making are nothing short of a blessing.

Don't get me wrong, marriage is no walk in the park. We fight like any other couple and we need our breaks from home here and there, but I've never ever regretted taking that walk down the aisle. This isn't my sermon on why I think marriage is great, nor is it a way to brag about how wonderful my life is, but it is my way of reminding myself and others how powerful love is because I admit, sometimes I REALLY  need reminding. 50% of marriages end in divorce these days, and in some cases, I wouldn't blame them. But we have to remember how far a little bit of unselfish thinking and praise towards your significant other can really go.

So if you're ever at a crossroads in life, whether it be the question of to marry or not to marry, to go on that second date or not, or to say sorry or not say sorry..swallow your fears and take a chance. You never know where a little love can take you.