A New Reflection: Body After Baby

So it begins. My postpartum weight loss journey.

A woman's biggest secret is her postpartum body. EVERY girl has to wonder how a new mother's body has changed. I know I did. If I could, I would ask every new mom to bare her "battle scars" so we could share and compare and mope about it together.
When your body is youthful and beautiful, you hate to imagine the aftermath of what a baby can do to your once flawless image. This is what I had feared the most. Looking in the mirror after I had a baby and being afraid of what I'd see.


Let me break it down for you.
Weight at first prenatal appointment June 18, 2010: 120 lbs
Weight on December 31, 2010 (38 weeks pregnant): 151 lbs
Current Weight: 132 lbs

I, myself, was surprised to lose 20 pounds following the birth of Rosalie, and I am happy to report that I feel almost fully recovered. And, in case you were wondering, I managed to get away without any stretch marks, although I have a few faint ones in areas that will probably remain unseen (lol).
My stomach isn't as tight as it once was due to my abdominal muscles "loosening" to make room for baby, but for the most part, it has shrank back to it's almost normal size despite a little extra fat around the edges. I can tell that the extra weight remains in areas below the waist and in my face. These are my target areas that I'd like to work on.

My goal weight is 115 pounds and I'd like to reach this by the time I return to work in April. I have no plan of action yet since the doctor advises that I keep my exercise moderate for the first two months since I am exclusively breastfeeding and my supply could be negatively affected if I do not give my body adequate time to recover.

As much as I'd like to start popping in those workout videos, I know that it is important for me to feel 100% back to normal before I do so. Breastfeeding is not as easy as people make it look! It was a struggle for me at first, and I was psyching myself out by thinking that I would not be able to do it. The first week was grueling. Rosalie latched on like a champ but my milk had not come in yet and it was painful..VERY painful. I seriously wanted to cry every time she clamored around for food. Luckily, Kaiser is a great resource for breastfeeding support and I absolutely loved the lactation consultant there. I went in to see her at least 3 times, and she encouraged me to keep trying and eventually, my milk would come in and things would get easier. As much as I wanted to throw in the towel and give Rosalie a bottle, I kept at it, and after about 5 days, my milk supply kicked in an mealtime was no longer doomsday for me. Hallelujah!

Although exclusively breastfeeding has many perks, it's been tough on me because my husband can't help with the feedings. So that means I am up every 2-3 hours day or night, feeding the baby. The sleep deprivation takes it toll, but I just have to keep telling myself that she won't be in this newborn stage forever and the time between feedings WILL get longer. Leaving the house is an issue because I have to time it around her eating schedule, but hey, welcome to the life of being a mom. Hopefully working out will find a way into my schedule in the next few weeks. On the plus side, breastfeeding burns an average of 500 calories a day!

I hope I'm not being naive about my weight loss goals especially with a new baby in tow, but hopefully making my progress public is enough motivation to get me off my butt!

So, here's to re-prioritizing my life and putting my own health and image back on the list. Healthy Happy Mom = Healthy Happy baby. Skinny, active, mom = One Happy Me.

From Mere Mortal to Mom

Aside from sharing your baby's birth story, you begin to realize that motherhood in itself is a whole new journey that makes labor and delivery look like a distant thing of the past. Not many people talk too much in detail about the emotional rollercoaster of being a new parent. Since this blog is about my life journey and starting a new family, I'll try my best to share with my readers my emotional and physical experiences that I endure.

No parent can look you in the eye and tell you that bringing a baby home is easy. They'd be lying.
The first night in the hospital, little Rosalie would cry on and off every other hour or so and hated to be put down to sleep on her own. It was a tough transition bringing her home and having to be stuck to her 24/7. I read and read all these articles about newborn babies to see if this behavior was normal. Well, of course it is! What baby that is fresh out of the womb would be comfortable being put down in a dark, cold, crib by herself? It has taken some time and patience but I feel like I'm starting to understand her more and more which have made the nights easier.

These past 5 days with my baby and husband have brought about a number of feelings and realizations about myself:

1) My Body is Amazing: Sorry, no. But that I didn't meant that I'm slipping into my skinny jeans already, but my self worth has sky-rocketed through the roof! Knowing that I am supporting another human being and that her life depends on me makes me appreciate myself much more. Breast feeding has not been easy. It's tedious, time consuming, and can be painful, but it's up to me to ensure that Rosalie gets the best care possible, and if that means making that sacrifice, I am more than willing to do it. Even if it means she'll have to be stuck to me for the coming months, I have to keep telling myself that her infancy will only last so long and soon enough, I'll be missing these nights when all she needed in life was to be hugged by her mommy and daddy.

2) My heart has opened wider than I ever thought possible: Nothing scares me more than something happening to my baby or my husband. When Rosalie was born, she was a bit jaundiced (there was a chemical imbalance in her blood which caused a slight yellowing in her skin. This is common in perfectly healthy babies). Her levels were a little high, and when I went to my follow up appointment, she had lost about 10% of her birthweight, which is the maximum she could lose before it becomes a cause for concern. When we got home from the doctor, I sat on the floor, held my baby and cried. It was the worst feeling in the world! Seeing her get her blood drawn 3 days in a row and knowing that there was something wrong took more of a toll on me than anything that has ever happened to my own body. I sat there and cried, and prayed harder than I ever have that she would just be ok.
Needless to say, we went back to the doctor's today, and she has gained 5 oz in the last 2 days which is great! And her level of jaundice has began to digress, meaning that there is no threat to her and no treatment needed. It feels like a million pounds has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know there will be more incidents in the future, so I know I must prepare myself  for those future times that she will scrape her knee or gets her feelings hurt. It's hard to be jaded or self centered once your a mom. I've gained much needed perspective and my compassionate side is blossoming, and I'm finally growing up. It's a beautiful thing.

3) With the addition of a baby, my priorities and values become clear. I am so impressed by my husband who has shown me that we are more of a team that I could have ever imagined. He is sacrificing just as much as I am and although he has had his moments of frustration, he has taken it all in stride. He kisses Rosalie with every chance that he gets. He rocks her to sleep and talks to her non-stop. He's been the "man of the house". Even the simplest moments where I fall asleep on the recliner and he sleeps on the couch next to me just so I'm within arms reach makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I have made my own little family, and right now nothing matters more than providing what I can and making sure that I'm the best mommy and wife that I can be.

There's so much more to write, and so much more to say about being a new mom so I hope that I have been able to touch some of you in a new way that I have never shared before. I want to get all the nitty gritty stuff eventually, such as my postpartum weight loss journey, but for now, I'm going to close my laptop and give me husband and baby a kiss because my heart is overflowing with love just writing this.

Welcome to the world, Rosalie Mae!

You always envision what your birth experience would be like, and after 9 months of anticipation, it's hard to believe that I'm actually on here writing about mine! You always read about it in the books, but it's so surreal when it finally happens to you. I wanted to type it while the feelings are still fresh, and thanks to all the help that I've been getting from my husband and 2 sets of parents, I'm able to sit here and do it.

The week between Xmas and New Year's was my first week off of work, so I took my time cleaning the house and visiting friends...running all my errands while I still could. I was getting awfully tired of being pregnant...the discomfort, the tightness in my stomach, and the sleepless nights. I was constantly joking with my friends that I was ready for this baby to come out! Little did I know, she was as ready as I was!

It was just another New Year's Eve and  Anthony and I were looking forward to celebrating our first midnight countdown together. We had scheduled to take maternity pictures with our good friends, Bethies and CQ. At 3 PM, we started our shoot and at by 5PM, we are eating dinner at Yard House with them. I felt totally fine, just a little exhausted from the walking around and all the posing we were doing from the pictures. I did feel awfully hungry though! It's a good thing I ate a pretty hefty meal, I'm sure it contributed in helping me keep my energy up for all the pushing I was about to do.

When we got home, at around 6:30, I wanted to take a nap before we went out to my Uncle's house down the street for a New Year's Eve party. So, I hopped into bed. I tossed and turned a little bit so I never really got into a deep sleep. I was laying on my side, when all of a sudden I felt a POP. I figured I should go to the bathroom and check it out cause I was starting to get a little crampy. When I stood up, I felt a trickle of water go down my leg. Uh-oh. I grabbed a dirty shirt from the laundry and covered up. Lo and behold, the t-shirt was getting wetter by the minute and I knew my water had broken. The first thoughts in my head were "Nooo way" and "What do I do now!". I ran outside and Anthony was playing video games. "Babe, something happened" I said as I showed him the stained t-shirt. He smiled in anticipation and said "Is it time?? I'll go grab the stuff". He was so calm and composed and my head was running 100 mph on all the things I had to do before we left, why wasn't I feeling contractions yet, who should I call, etc. I grabbed my phone and the first person I called was my dad. Told him my water broke, and coincidentally, they were 5 minutes away from my house because they were already on their way to the party down the street. They told my sister who was in Hawaii at the time. She was devastated that she couldn't be here.

By the time they got to my place, I told my dad to take Romwell to their house and my mom would ride with me and Anthony to the hospital. When we got in the car, I started feeling the pain of the contractions. They were about 5 minutes apart, not too strong, but pretty painful. They felt like really strong period cramps that would escalate and then drop off. When we got to labor and delivery at the hospital (felt like a 2 hour car ride!), they admitted me right away because I still had the stained tshirt with me and they knew it was my water. The pain was starting to get worse and worse as we waited for the midwife to come and check my dilation. When she got in, her eyes widened and she said "Wanna guess how dilated you are?" 3-4 centimeters I thought (10 means you're read to go). "Nope, You're 8." Holy crap! This baby was coming tonight! It was only 9 pm so I hoped that she'd stay in there for 3 more hours so she could make it to the New Year and have a 1/1/11 birthday.

The pain was starting to get unbearable and I asked for the epidural right away. It took a little while for the anesthesiologist to come, but by 10:30 I was pain free. I was feeling fine and even let my visitors come in and say hello as I waited to dilate to 10. My parents, Anthony's Parents, his brother Paulo and his Girlfriend Cheryl, and my cousin Kristina all waited in the waiting room. One by one they said hello to me and were so surprised by my calm composure and the fact that I was still smiling, full makeup and all (still on from the photoshoot).

By 11:00, the midwife came in and checked me. I was 10 centimeters and just about ready to go! They were also hoping that I'd be their first baby of the New Year because they'd feature us in the paper and we'd get a ton of nice gifts from the hospital. Since I wasn't feeling the need to push yet, I was determined to make it to 12! They said that they would let her labor down for a little bit anyway (let her head slide down on it's own so I don't have to push so much) so we'd check again at 11:45 how she was doing.

At 11:45, midwife checked again. "Hello there! Her head is coming out! Get ready to push!" Well, that was fast. At 11:50, I gave it maybe 3-4 sets of strong pushing and by 12:14, my little Rosalie Mae was born into the world. I requested a mirror so I could watch her birth, and it was truly amazing! I must say, it really helped with my pushing cause I could see how much progress I was making. When I saw her little head and body slip out, it was so surreal. They put her on my chest and I was so overwhelmed with love and awe. "She's perfect! Oh my gosh she's perfect" is all I remember saying. As she laid there crying, I was still pain free and couldn't believe how fast it all happened. Just 4 hours ago, I was laying in bed watching TV! It was truly a blessing that I had a safe, fast, and pain free delivery. I couldn't have asked for anything better. I'm so happy that she's here, and that she's healthy. At 5 Pounds 13.2 ounces, 18 1/2 inches long, she is my tiny bundle of joy and Anthony and I are still in amazement that we made such a beautiful little girl.

The past few nights have taken quite a bit of adjusting. The healing process has probably been harder than the labor itself. I can't wait to start feeling and looking like myself again and I'm very excited for everyone to meet her! We are still a little exhausted and adjusting to our new schedule, so we'll give it a little time before we going out and saying hello to everyone. I am truly grateful for all the love we have gotten. It has been an incredible experience and I STILL can't believe that she's here. I am looking forward to spending the rest of our lives watching her grow.

Thank heaven for my little girl.