From Mere Mortal to Mom

Aside from sharing your baby's birth story, you begin to realize that motherhood in itself is a whole new journey that makes labor and delivery look like a distant thing of the past. Not many people talk too much in detail about the emotional rollercoaster of being a new parent. Since this blog is about my life journey and starting a new family, I'll try my best to share with my readers my emotional and physical experiences that I endure.

No parent can look you in the eye and tell you that bringing a baby home is easy. They'd be lying.
The first night in the hospital, little Rosalie would cry on and off every other hour or so and hated to be put down to sleep on her own. It was a tough transition bringing her home and having to be stuck to her 24/7. I read and read all these articles about newborn babies to see if this behavior was normal. Well, of course it is! What baby that is fresh out of the womb would be comfortable being put down in a dark, cold, crib by herself? It has taken some time and patience but I feel like I'm starting to understand her more and more which have made the nights easier.

These past 5 days with my baby and husband have brought about a number of feelings and realizations about myself:

1) My Body is Amazing: Sorry, no. But that I didn't meant that I'm slipping into my skinny jeans already, but my self worth has sky-rocketed through the roof! Knowing that I am supporting another human being and that her life depends on me makes me appreciate myself much more. Breast feeding has not been easy. It's tedious, time consuming, and can be painful, but it's up to me to ensure that Rosalie gets the best care possible, and if that means making that sacrifice, I am more than willing to do it. Even if it means she'll have to be stuck to me for the coming months, I have to keep telling myself that her infancy will only last so long and soon enough, I'll be missing these nights when all she needed in life was to be hugged by her mommy and daddy.

2) My heart has opened wider than I ever thought possible: Nothing scares me more than something happening to my baby or my husband. When Rosalie was born, she was a bit jaundiced (there was a chemical imbalance in her blood which caused a slight yellowing in her skin. This is common in perfectly healthy babies). Her levels were a little high, and when I went to my follow up appointment, she had lost about 10% of her birthweight, which is the maximum she could lose before it becomes a cause for concern. When we got home from the doctor, I sat on the floor, held my baby and cried. It was the worst feeling in the world! Seeing her get her blood drawn 3 days in a row and knowing that there was something wrong took more of a toll on me than anything that has ever happened to my own body. I sat there and cried, and prayed harder than I ever have that she would just be ok.
Needless to say, we went back to the doctor's today, and she has gained 5 oz in the last 2 days which is great! And her level of jaundice has began to digress, meaning that there is no threat to her and no treatment needed. It feels like a million pounds has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know there will be more incidents in the future, so I know I must prepare myself  for those future times that she will scrape her knee or gets her feelings hurt. It's hard to be jaded or self centered once your a mom. I've gained much needed perspective and my compassionate side is blossoming, and I'm finally growing up. It's a beautiful thing.

3) With the addition of a baby, my priorities and values become clear. I am so impressed by my husband who has shown me that we are more of a team that I could have ever imagined. He is sacrificing just as much as I am and although he has had his moments of frustration, he has taken it all in stride. He kisses Rosalie with every chance that he gets. He rocks her to sleep and talks to her non-stop. He's been the "man of the house". Even the simplest moments where I fall asleep on the recliner and he sleeps on the couch next to me just so I'm within arms reach makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I have made my own little family, and right now nothing matters more than providing what I can and making sure that I'm the best mommy and wife that I can be.

There's so much more to write, and so much more to say about being a new mom so I hope that I have been able to touch some of you in a new way that I have never shared before. I want to get all the nitty gritty stuff eventually, such as my postpartum weight loss journey, but for now, I'm going to close my laptop and give me husband and baby a kiss because my heart is overflowing with love just writing this.