Sometimes I feel as if I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I am such an anxious person, worrisome of my own fears, and there are some nights that it eats me alive. What do I worry about? Everything and anything. Random things. Cancer. Ebola. Natural disasters. Things that can hurt the people that I love. I sit on my phone at night and I read the news. I cry about stories of suffering children and missing loved ones. I fear the rapists and the child abusers that were caught just one city away. Like I said....The weight of the world.
I always pray and ask God to take this weight off my shoulders. Sometimes I feel as if he and I are constantly fighting for the driver's seat of MY life...I always have trouble sitting back and relinquishing control. For years I've known that a good believer does not worry so much, but then why was I never able to shake off all of these worries that bombarded my thoughts?
I really just wanted to share this miraculous story of how God answered my prayers, in the strangest but most glorious of ways. Weeks before my birthday, I had been worrying myself to death about my kids getting sick with all of these strange diseases going around. I was always thinking about what bills were due and when. I was starting to feel the stress of our mortgage hitting our checkbooks. All of this put me on edge and made it hard for me to sleep at night.
The day before my birthday, I got into a bad car accident and totaled our Highlander. I was devastated. God KNEW that I was already struggling with bills. He KNEW I had enough worries on my plate. WHY would he let me go through something like this? Sure, I had only walked away with a few bruised ribs and some very sore muscles , but why would he let me experience something so terrible right before my birthday? Why couldn't I have avoided that accident altogether? I was broken.
The weeks following my accident were emotional for me. I was bombarded with calls and letters from my insurance and the insurance of those involved, forcing myself to relive that moment over and over again. What were we going to do about a new car? A new car payment was the last thing that I wanted to be added to my burdens. I was heavy in my own sorrow but continued to pray for the strength to take blame for this and to "roll with the punches" since there was not much I could do about it now. We just waited for the dust to settle, and just hoped to get close to Blue Book value for our car to be able to afford a new one.
Then, we got the call from our insurance. It was nothing short a of a miracle. We were getting about $9,000 more dollars than we had hoped for from our totaled car. I was in shock. Not only was this a blessing in itself because we wouldn't have to worry about the burden of paying for a new SUV, but $9,000 was exactly the amount of money that we needed to pay off the debt we had acquired since buying our house. My mind was blown. I was in complete shock. How could something like this fall so perfectly into place? How could I, so lacking in faith and so obsessed with having control of my own life, receive a blessing such as this? God not only answered my prayers, but far surpassed anything that I could have ever imagined.
Here I was, so busy worrying about tomorrow and what the future would bring, that I was forgetting to enjoy the now. My car accident could've been a lot worse. I could've been seriously hurt or even killed. But I wasn't. I was only given what I could handle...And although I groaned and moaned about the situation even as I prayed, God never stopped listening. He had a plan for me all along. He used the accident to open my eyes..to stop worrying so much about what I can't control. How can I be so worried about catching the Ebola virus that I missed the fact that I could die in a split second just driving home from work? Seems so silly, doesn't it?
I know that as a parent, we can't protect our children or ourselves from everything. This incident has really reminded me to count my blessings each and everyday and to never rely on myself, but to always trust in the plans that the Lord has for us. Just because I pray and I believe, doesn't mean that me or my loved ones won't ever suffer the pain and sorrows of this world. But it does mean that I will never ever have to go through it alone. It reminded me that sitting in the driver's seat all by myself is a very lonely place to be, but being the passenger of a vehicle that is driven by the most loving and generous creator is a much better position to be in.
I thought this was the perfect post just in time for Thanksgiving. It encouraged me to just examine my life, to pay attention to my thoughts and words, and see how much thanksgiving I express on the daily. Do I murmur and complain about things all the time, or am I thankful? Since then, I've been trying to focus all of my energy on just being thankful instead of worrying so much or constantly asking for more. If you want to challenge yourself, just try to get through an entire day without uttering one word of complaint. It's hard. Really hard! But just keep trying to develop an attitude of thanksgiving in every situation and watch as your intimacy with God increases and he pours out more blessings than ever before.
So, if you're a worrisome individual just like me, or experiencing a tough obstacle in life, just remember that things will always be okay in the end...And if it's not okay, then it's not the end yet. Be thankful for everything that you have and never let the worries of tomorrow strip you of the happiness of today. Have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving and hug your loved ones extra tight!!
Friday, November 21, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
The Journey Home
After almost 5 years of marriage and 2 kids later, we have finally been blessed with a home. I know this may be a small thing for some people, but for some reason, it feels like an enormous milestone for us - maybe because it has taken so much to get here and it has been a dream of ours that has always felt so far away. The journey here wasn't easy, but we finally made it!
Since the day that we started planning our future together, a house was always in the cards, but things kept happening in our lives that would always discourage us making it seem like getting a home would be impossible. Instead of enjoying our first few years of marriage and saving a down payment for the home, we had kids right away and they definitely took up most of our time and monetary resources. Whenever we would try to pull ourselves out of debt and save money, the "unexpected" expenses would pile up and we had to put the goal of having a home on the backburner several times. It wasn't until we had Elijah that we realized we needed more than just a two bedroom apartment - we needed a home.
Throughout the years, we've made so many life changing decisions. In 5 years of marriage, we have moved 4 times, each time a more taxing experience. And even though we've never really settled in a place for more than 18 months at a time, it feels like each time we gained more and more stuff to move. When the rent at our apartment got raised so high, we started to put some serious thought into buying a home. That was a very tough decision to make this year - To move away from our comfort zone and put ourselves out there to look for a house with not a very big budget OR stay in an apartment and keep renting comfortably until we could afford a nicer house with a bigger budget (which could have taken another 2 to 4 years).
It's crossroads like these that really test the bounds of your partnership with your spouse, and you'd better believe we weren't always on the same page. But somehow, we got led onto the roller coaster ride that is the current housing market which is definitely much more seller friendly than we would have liked. We started off looking in areas that we didn't LOVE but could get more bang for our buck. With kids, there is so much more to consider - school district, safety, babysitter situation, space for toys, etc. Occasionally, we would casually venture into the more expensive parts of town for homes that were great deals, but would often get our hopes crushed when we were outbid by the much more qualified competition.
Needless to say, it was four months of very active looking and the drawing up of what seemed like endless amounts of papers to be signed until we finally came across the one. We wanted to take a break from looking for a while until this home came up on the listings and we just HAD to see this one last house. We loved it from the moment we saw it - it was in the better area of town, had the most square footage out of anything we saw and could afford, and although it needed some TLC, had so much potential. It was a foreclosed home and according to the seller, it had a not-so-hefty price tag because of the jungle of a backyard that it had, which wasn't really a big deal to us.
So we made an offer, and to our surprise, it was accepted a couple days later. It was a wave of shock that one of our offers was finally accepted, let alone for a home that we really loved! Long story short, we were scared, excited and nervous all at once. We fell out of escrow for a little bit because of some repairs that were not addressed - but after some negotiations and much thought on our part, the house officially was ours on August 6th.
With some extra cash, a good contractor, and a little bit of elbow grease, we have fixed up this home from being a neglected foreclosure, to the starter home of our dreams. I am so humbled and happy about this huge blessing that has been given to us, especially because we never thought it to be possible. If you would have told me back in March that I was going to own THIS home in a few short months, I probably would've laughed it off and yelled at you for being so cruel. But here we are. It may not be the biggest or newest home in a popular city, but to us, it is such a big achievement. It hasn't quite settled in yet because we haven't officially started living there, but after seeing my bank account, I am reminded that it is very real. Lol!
Lastly, I just want to say that none of this would've been possible without the help of my very loving and generous in-laws. They've invested so much in our family and I hope they know that the happiness they've given us is priceless! Thank you to my parents who have opened up their home for us to live in while we saved money and looked for a home. And of course, thank you also to our realtor, my Tita Winnie, who guided us through the whole process with patience (And our loan officer, Rufina, too!) So if you're looking for a good team to help you with your next home, hit me up for their information.
It's been quite the journey for Anthony and I. We have definitely never disagreed as much as we have until we started looking for a house - but through lots of prayer and somewhat rational discussion, we have always managed to navigate ourselves to some common ground. And NOW, we're both learning the ropes of homeownership. (Thank goodness for my dad and my grandpa who are always there to help teach Anthony the basics of keeping your house functioning). There's nothing more attractive than a guy who can assemble furniture, ignite a pilot light, and entertain a toddler at the same time!
Well, without further adieu, here are some before and after photos of our lovely new abode!
Since the day that we started planning our future together, a house was always in the cards, but things kept happening in our lives that would always discourage us making it seem like getting a home would be impossible. Instead of enjoying our first few years of marriage and saving a down payment for the home, we had kids right away and they definitely took up most of our time and monetary resources. Whenever we would try to pull ourselves out of debt and save money, the "unexpected" expenses would pile up and we had to put the goal of having a home on the backburner several times. It wasn't until we had Elijah that we realized we needed more than just a two bedroom apartment - we needed a home.
Throughout the years, we've made so many life changing decisions. In 5 years of marriage, we have moved 4 times, each time a more taxing experience. And even though we've never really settled in a place for more than 18 months at a time, it feels like each time we gained more and more stuff to move. When the rent at our apartment got raised so high, we started to put some serious thought into buying a home. That was a very tough decision to make this year - To move away from our comfort zone and put ourselves out there to look for a house with not a very big budget OR stay in an apartment and keep renting comfortably until we could afford a nicer house with a bigger budget (which could have taken another 2 to 4 years).
It's crossroads like these that really test the bounds of your partnership with your spouse, and you'd better believe we weren't always on the same page. But somehow, we got led onto the roller coaster ride that is the current housing market which is definitely much more seller friendly than we would have liked. We started off looking in areas that we didn't LOVE but could get more bang for our buck. With kids, there is so much more to consider - school district, safety, babysitter situation, space for toys, etc. Occasionally, we would casually venture into the more expensive parts of town for homes that were great deals, but would often get our hopes crushed when we were outbid by the much more qualified competition.
Needless to say, it was four months of very active looking and the drawing up of what seemed like endless amounts of papers to be signed until we finally came across the one. We wanted to take a break from looking for a while until this home came up on the listings and we just HAD to see this one last house. We loved it from the moment we saw it - it was in the better area of town, had the most square footage out of anything we saw and could afford, and although it needed some TLC, had so much potential. It was a foreclosed home and according to the seller, it had a not-so-hefty price tag because of the jungle of a backyard that it had, which wasn't really a big deal to us.
So we made an offer, and to our surprise, it was accepted a couple days later. It was a wave of shock that one of our offers was finally accepted, let alone for a home that we really loved! Long story short, we were scared, excited and nervous all at once. We fell out of escrow for a little bit because of some repairs that were not addressed - but after some negotiations and much thought on our part, the house officially was ours on August 6th.
With some extra cash, a good contractor, and a little bit of elbow grease, we have fixed up this home from being a neglected foreclosure, to the starter home of our dreams. I am so humbled and happy about this huge blessing that has been given to us, especially because we never thought it to be possible. If you would have told me back in March that I was going to own THIS home in a few short months, I probably would've laughed it off and yelled at you for being so cruel. But here we are. It may not be the biggest or newest home in a popular city, but to us, it is such a big achievement. It hasn't quite settled in yet because we haven't officially started living there, but after seeing my bank account, I am reminded that it is very real. Lol!
Lastly, I just want to say that none of this would've been possible without the help of my very loving and generous in-laws. They've invested so much in our family and I hope they know that the happiness they've given us is priceless! Thank you to my parents who have opened up their home for us to live in while we saved money and looked for a home. And of course, thank you also to our realtor, my Tita Winnie, who guided us through the whole process with patience (And our loan officer, Rufina, too!) So if you're looking for a good team to help you with your next home, hit me up for their information.
It's been quite the journey for Anthony and I. We have definitely never disagreed as much as we have until we started looking for a house - but through lots of prayer and somewhat rational discussion, we have always managed to navigate ourselves to some common ground. And NOW, we're both learning the ropes of homeownership. (Thank goodness for my dad and my grandpa who are always there to help teach Anthony the basics of keeping your house functioning). There's nothing more attractive than a guy who can assemble furniture, ignite a pilot light, and entertain a toddler at the same time!
Well, without further adieu, here are some before and after photos of our lovely new abode!
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| This is what it looked like when we first bought it...Everything was brown and gold! The kitchen had formica countertops, and the flooring was all carpet and vinyl. Also, all of the cabinets were flimsy and were lined with disgusting old wallpaper. |
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| Here is our backyard before and after clean up. We had a huge pile of debris on the side of the house..literally like 3 feet high and weeds growing everywhere. |
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| Here are some of the AFTER photos - new apron sink, quartz countertops downstairs and all granite upstairs. All the cabinets have been replaced, the fireplace painted, bathtubs reglazed, and all flooring replaced with laminate wood all around and tile in the bathrooms. |
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| More after photos - Added shutters, changed all the lighting fixtures from gold to brushed nickel, changed the old fluorescent lighting in the kitchen to recessed bulbs, knocked down a cabinet and put pendant lighting in the kitchen, and changed all the baseboards. |
Friday, May 2, 2014
Who is this man that I married?
Our 4 year wedding anniversary is in a few days. And you know what I've realized in this past year? I married a complete stranger.
As naïve, young adults, we like to think that we are marrying a person that we know inside and out; that we know everything there is to know about each other - and that makes us a perfect fit. But over the past years I've come to learn that this notion is completely false. Although we take the time to date, to get to know each other's personalities, to remember every blemish and beauty mark on each other's faces, you still end up marrying a complete stranger.
Marriage isn't easy. Over the past year, we've had our ups and downs and have been challenged from all different directions. Having a second baby, we struggled to find a routine and adjust our lives accordingly. We find it difficult sometimes to have some quiet moments together, because plopping down on the couch to finally get a chance to go through our social media newsfeeds at the end of the day really isn't considered "quality time". But some days - that's really all the energy we have left to do.
We've also had to make a lot of really tough decisions lately and find ourselves arguing our points to each other so intensely that it turns into a giant meltdown. Some days, we rely on each other too little or too much and it makes it difficult to keep ourselves sane. We've been through so much and there is so much still ahead of us that it's gonna take a lot of faith and compromise to get through it.
.....Like I said. Marriage isn't easy.
So what did I mean when I said I married a complete stranger? Well. I've learned that yes, I married a man that I was completely in love with when I was 23 years old. But marriage changes you. Kids change you. Jobs change you. Trials and tribulations change you. Aging changes you. You come to discover that getting to know the depths of someone's heart takes years. But that's the nature of marriage - it's a relationship so intimate and challenging that it really takes true, unconditional love to make that journey together.
There's a quote by a man named Stanley Hauerwas defining a successful marriage as "learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married." What does he mean? Simply put, I think it's important to understand that marriage is not the finish line to where we instantly know and fully understand our spouse. It's a commitment to a lifetime of growing and changing across the years together. Everything that Anthony and I have been going through is shaping and defining our relationship - every good moment, every bad moment, and every decision that we've made. But through it all, our love for each other remains unscathed.
Not every year will I say that the year was perfect and I love him more than ever. But like I've always said - I'm all about being real when it comes to my posts. But one thing is for sure - I wouldn't have made it in this journey with anyone else. Through it all, I've come to realize that Anthony is my soul mate. He balances me out when I'm feeling a little crazy, and he reels me back in when I feel like pulling away. He always recognizes his faults and his commitment to me and his children is unwavering. And because of that, I know that he is forever mine and I am forever his.
Marriage is not a finished statue. It is merely a block of marble from which your perfect spouse will emerge. So if you commit to loving one another and helping each other grow while keeping God in the center of your relationship, in the end, you'll find a masterpiece.
So to my darling husband -
Happy 4 year Anniversary, my love. There's nobody in the world that I'd rather quarrel with, make up with, and grow old with than you. xoxo
As naïve, young adults, we like to think that we are marrying a person that we know inside and out; that we know everything there is to know about each other - and that makes us a perfect fit. But over the past years I've come to learn that this notion is completely false. Although we take the time to date, to get to know each other's personalities, to remember every blemish and beauty mark on each other's faces, you still end up marrying a complete stranger.
Marriage isn't easy. Over the past year, we've had our ups and downs and have been challenged from all different directions. Having a second baby, we struggled to find a routine and adjust our lives accordingly. We find it difficult sometimes to have some quiet moments together, because plopping down on the couch to finally get a chance to go through our social media newsfeeds at the end of the day really isn't considered "quality time". But some days - that's really all the energy we have left to do.
We've also had to make a lot of really tough decisions lately and find ourselves arguing our points to each other so intensely that it turns into a giant meltdown. Some days, we rely on each other too little or too much and it makes it difficult to keep ourselves sane. We've been through so much and there is so much still ahead of us that it's gonna take a lot of faith and compromise to get through it.
.....Like I said. Marriage isn't easy.
So what did I mean when I said I married a complete stranger? Well. I've learned that yes, I married a man that I was completely in love with when I was 23 years old. But marriage changes you. Kids change you. Jobs change you. Trials and tribulations change you. Aging changes you. You come to discover that getting to know the depths of someone's heart takes years. But that's the nature of marriage - it's a relationship so intimate and challenging that it really takes true, unconditional love to make that journey together.
There's a quote by a man named Stanley Hauerwas defining a successful marriage as "learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married." What does he mean? Simply put, I think it's important to understand that marriage is not the finish line to where we instantly know and fully understand our spouse. It's a commitment to a lifetime of growing and changing across the years together. Everything that Anthony and I have been going through is shaping and defining our relationship - every good moment, every bad moment, and every decision that we've made. But through it all, our love for each other remains unscathed.
Not every year will I say that the year was perfect and I love him more than ever. But like I've always said - I'm all about being real when it comes to my posts. But one thing is for sure - I wouldn't have made it in this journey with anyone else. Through it all, I've come to realize that Anthony is my soul mate. He balances me out when I'm feeling a little crazy, and he reels me back in when I feel like pulling away. He always recognizes his faults and his commitment to me and his children is unwavering. And because of that, I know that he is forever mine and I am forever his.
Marriage is not a finished statue. It is merely a block of marble from which your perfect spouse will emerge. So if you commit to loving one another and helping each other grow while keeping God in the center of your relationship, in the end, you'll find a masterpiece.
So to my darling husband -
Happy 4 year Anniversary, my love. There's nobody in the world that I'd rather quarrel with, make up with, and grow old with than you. xoxo
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