Thursday, March 3, 2011

A "Real" Post

I came across this post and it has truly inspired me. It's titled The Disease called Perfection. It's a long entry so in case you don't feel like reading it, the writer basically discusses real life situations where people put up a front to seem "perfect", regardless of the fact that they have troubling secrets. If you do have time though, I suggest you go through and read it. I think some of you will find it very easy to relate.


Here is an excerpt from the closing statement of his entry:
Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you. Once you cure yourself of the disease, others will come to you, asking if they can just "talk". People are desperate to talk. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will tell you of some of the greatest struggles going on. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will break down in tears as they tell you how difficult life is for them. Turns out some of the most "perfect" people around us are human beings after all, and are dying to talk to another human being about it.
 
Will you help me spread "Real"? Tell us below just how perfect you aren't. You never know who might be alive tomorrow because you were real today. You never know who needs to feel like they aren't alone in their inability to be perfect. Tell us what you struggle with. Tell a sad or dark secret. Get vulnerable. Get real. Let's see if we can get 1,000 people showing the world that we're not defined by perfection. - Dan Pearce


I've had writer's block for a while and reading this has encouraged me to "get real". I wouldn't go as far as saying that people walk around being "fake" but nobody ever openly embraces their weaknesses, do they? And the most compelling stories are ones where people do. I stayed up last night reading the responses and felt that I just had to share my own experiences in hopes that at least one person feels touched and can relate to what I am going through. I am not perfect. Here is my dose of reality:

For the past 2 months I haven't gotten more than 4 hour blocks of sleep and it's driving me crazy. Sometimes I am so tired and my muscles feel so weak that I just sit on my recliner with Rosalie and cry.

I regret the academic decisions I made in college. I really wish that I made more sound choices about my school work and took college more seriously. I feel like I chose the wrong path and am paying for it now by not having a major that pays the big bucks.

I HATE my body. Nothing in my closet fits anymore. Everything I've bought since I gave birth is 2 sizes up from what I used to be but I don't want to exercise or diet. I am too sleep deprived and unmotivated to lose weight right now. I can't look in the mirror and be happy.

I'm afraid of living a financially mediocre life forever. Will we ever be "well off"? I don't know. I really don't know how people have thousands of dollars in surplus to buy nice things for themselves ON TOP of having a house, children, and a savings account for all their colleges. How do they not live paycheck to paycheck? I constantly worry about our financial future.

I sometimes look at the pictures of my beautiful and fashionable friends on Facebook and get super jealous. Like, "It's not fair how good you look" jealous. It makes me not want to leave the house.

I am not a cook. Really, I suck. I can make things that are easy and things that are fast but otherwise, I'm clueless. We eat out 75% of the time and I feel like a bad wife because of it.

I make dates with my friends because sometimes, I feel like they'll forget about me. I am so much more "grown up" then a lot of my friends now that I'm married and I have a kid and I feel like nobody wants to hang out with me as much.

I'm afraid that Anthony will leave me one day because he'll wake up and not like what he sees.

Being a mom is so hard that sometimes I wonder if it ever gets easier, and if so, can I fast forward to that time? I am terrified of getting pregnant again but I don't want Rosalie to be alone.

The list goes on. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am sad. I cry just because and sometimes I just want to get away. My life isn't perfect, but it is what it is. Would there be happiness in the world if no one experienced sadness? Would winning mean so much if nobody knew what it felt like to lose? Would we hold our loved ones so tight if we knew they were always going to be there? Would anyone be unique if we all looked the same?
With good comes evil. Your trash might be somebody's treasure. So spread the "real" and get in touch with the parts of yourself that you're afraid to face. I hope that after reading this you don't judge me too harshly, but find yourselves loving who you are...who WE are because of it.

6 comments:

  1. "I'm married and I have a kid and I feel like nobody wants to hang out with me as much."

    I know we werent that close throughout our years of friendship, but if you and/or Anthony and Rosalie want to hang out Margaret and I live down the street from you.

    -Japhet

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  2. oh man ri. this post took my breath away. hang in there, we're all still here. we'll see you soon ;) i love you.

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  3. I love you Ria!!! I know it has been a crazy ride, and I havent seen you in forever, but we should definitely catch up the next time I am in CA! I will always be here if you need me and just a phone call away if you ever need someone to talk to!

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  4. Here is a bit of encouragement. You have a wonderful life. You have a husband that loves and supports you and a new beautiful baby girl that needs you. Everyone is dealt different situations in life. You have an envious life. I moved to Ohio to go to school to become a doctor. I am alone here. Mike and I have been together for 5 years now and have never "lived" in the same place, (me being in Northern CA and him in Southern CA), now we dont even live in the same state. It makes you wonder if being "well off" is really worth it. When he and I both finish school we will both be doctors. That probably means financial stability, but what kind of family can we expect to have when we chose lives that are dedicated to taking care of others? The only comfort I find is that we love each other and everything will work about for the best because under it all we are strong and determined individuals.
    With that said, I see the same for you, Anthony, and Rosalie! You are one of the strongest, smartest, caring, and understanding people I know. If shows extreme confidence to put yourself out there the way that you did. You have nothing to worry about. Your life is great and it will get better with time. I know that it is hard, but dont let fear stand in your way of greatness!!!

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  5. Ria..Sister, this post was so heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. I couldn't help but cry and I hope you know that you are so BRAVE for writing this and showing your vulnerability. I don't know if I would have the guts to do the same. I know our lives are very different, but I have so many of the same exact worries that you do. It's crazy because you don't realize how you really feel until someone else writes it out in plain English.

    Thank you for writing this. I hope you see from all the comments that you have people who truly care for you.

    Here is an excerpt from a poem called Desiderata. Robert's dad gave it to me when I went through a really difficult time and I printed it so I could keep it in my wallet with me.

    ---
    And whether or not it is clear to you,
    no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
    Therefore be at peace with God,
    whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations,
    in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
    it is still a beautiful world.
    Be cheerful.
    Strive to be happy.
    [Desiderata] - Max Ehrmann, 1952

    -Sophia

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  6. hi ria...
    steppie showed me your blog..i've been secretly reading it! i'm pregnant 25 weeks as of today...and i'm going through a tough time...and i want to thank you for the honest blog. i can probably imagine you, and your previous posts of wanting to lose weight, get back into shape...but the reality of marriage and being a mother got to you. and i can imagine you, us, being at our age to have a baby...that it seems no one really understands us...or at least our friends don't. but i want to encourage you...and that there is always light in the future...and that it should be worth it!

    after my baby comes to the world, maybe we mothers can hang out together. i know we didn't really see much of each other in college, nor do i REALLY know you, but it'd be nice to have a mother-friend who's going through the same things i will be and to share and support one another!

    i've cried reading your post (maybe b/c i'm pregnant, maybe i can empathize a LOT with what you are feeling)..but anyways, find me on facebook (hyojung choi). your baby is beautiful :o)

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