Confessions of a Pregnant Drama Queen

I've noticed that I haven't publicly talked about my pregnancy much or posted many pictures. I think it's about time that I share with you some of the many thoughts that have run through my mind these past 8 months in hopes that this will help me release some of those pre-baby jitters that have been keeping me up at night.

Have you ever sat down and talked to a pregnant woman for more than an hour? Well, who wants to do that right? Sometimes I feel like I need a psychiatrist just to help me sort out all my thoughts. On the outside, pregnancy looks like such a happy time and all people really see is your growing belly and newly glowing skin, but oh my gosh, there is so much more than that! Ever since I was a kid I always wondered what it was like to be pregnant. I was always so fascinated by the possibility of my body doing all those things that you see in movies and read about in books and now my turn is finally here! No words can describe the whirlwind of emotions that you feel throughout your pregnancy, and if your a natural worrier like me, then you're in for a treat.

So let's rewind back to June. 3 weeks after our Maui Honeymoon, I could not bear to  eat or even smell fish, which usually was one of my favorite dishes. I just figured that after eating so much of it in Hawaii, my body was done with it. You know how they say when you're pregnant, you'll just know? Well, the night we went out to an all you can eat Korean barbeque restaurant and the smell of the smoke made me gag, well, that's when I knew that something was up. Who gags at the smell of Korean bbq? Seriously! I called my sister who came over right away, pregnancy tests in hand, and giggling at the possibility that she might be getting a niece/nephew soon. After the first initial test which lightly revealed that second line, I felt a sense of denial and panic because all of it was just happening so fast. Those 2 line tests are never clear anyway, right? But when we came back to take the digital one which we scrambled to buy and it clearly read "PREGNANT", my whole life changed.

Anthony came home from work a couple hours later to find the positive tests sitting on our coffee table. "Babe.What's all this?" I stayed in the room holding my breath so that he could process what he just found in front of him. Then it hit him. Probably like a ton of bricks because he got up and started pacing back and forth, talking to himself. Saying what? Who knows! So finally, when I sat down and we actually got a chance to talk about it and get past all the "how did this happen" questions, we smiled and shared a reassuring hug that we were chosen by God to become parents at this exact moment in our lives. What a blessing! And now, let all the baby excitement begin!

10 Weeks

The first few months of pregnancy was just us adjusting to this new "challenge" in our life. We had just finished saving for a wedding, and now was the time to start putting money away again. No more expensive vacations or splurging at the malls. And that's when all these new worries started invading my mind. What if I miscarry? What if it was a false alarm? How many babies are in there? But when I saw that first image of our little "peanut" on the ultrasound screen, only 10 weeks old, and already having a strong heartbeat, all those worries melted away for a moment, only to come back about a week later when I started googling things and reading forums. Seriously, stay away from those things! They can really come back to haunt you.

8 Months down the road, I'd have to say that I've had a fairly easy pregnancy thus far. No morning sickness. No unusual health complications. No worrisome test results. And luckily for me, I've been pretty energetic and was quite motivated to continue working out in the early months. Not so much now in my third trimester since I've gained about 20 pounds now. But I'd definitely have to say that getting in shape before the wedding has really helped me out in preparing my body for pregnancy. I feel great most of the time. As for my hormones, I wouldn't say that my emotions are running TOO wild, but my fuse is much shorter now. Anthony has been very supportive and helpful, massaging me and picking up things that I drop. He has even picked up some of the slack with chores especially now that I'm feeling lazy nowadays. I'm trying to teach him how to cook so we'll still be able to eat once I'm out of commision but that's still a work in progress.

15 Weeks

As we reach this final stretch of the last 6 weeks, I've found that my pre-baby jitters are now starting to get the best of me: I get worried when I don't feel her kick. Every ache and pain could be a contraction..or could it? When will she finally be here? I want to see her face so badly! I just want to make sure she makes it out okay. I hope that she is healthy and beautiful. Will I be able to breastfeed? What will my delivery be like? What kind of parents are we going to be?
....Can someone say emotional overload? It gets hard to concentrate on other things. Maybe it's my maternal instinct kicking in? It's one of the coolest feelings when all the things I've been reading about in my baby books start happening to me. I waited and waited for my belly to finally "pop" and now, I just can't wait to get this extra weight out so that I can have a good night's rest without having to make a trip to the bathroom every 2 hours.  Work is getting harder and harder to wake up for, but I am officially on leave on December 23rd, and believe me, I am counting down the days!

30 Weeks - 3D Ultrasound

All I know is, I love her already. I love her deeply and I am so thankful that she is in there. After every feat in my life and every accomplishment, getting this far in my pregnancy with her still thriving is what I am proudest of so far. I am savoring the last few weeks that we will physically be together because before I know it, she won't be safe and warm in my womb anymore and I'll have other things to worry about. I never thought that the day would finally come when I'd be a mom, but let me tell you, it's been quite an interesting journey. The miracle of pregnancy and how your body changes proves that God does indeed exist. It is truly just amazing  how a person so far from what you think a mom is or should be all of a sudden transforms naturally into a nurturing, self-sacrificing human being all for the sake of the baby she has yet to meet. Now tell me, that can't all be hormones can it?